Mana cerimir an meleth
by Riverdancer17
Summary: You promised to call for me when the time was right. I suppose you did in a way, when you asked for my father's youngest child. I told you I was the youngest son. I never mentioned my sister. L/A fic, starts slow but gets better I promise! Multi chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So, this is my first fic in this fandom. Please review and tell me what I can do better! English is my first language but to be perfectly honest sometimes you wouldn't know. This is an A/L fic, which means none graphic MxM. It was in the summary, so if you have made the choice to click on the link and you don't agree with that, well this one is really on you.**

**Disclaimer: Um, I don't own it but I have enough extended family that some distant cousin probably does.**

**Riverdancer**

I cannot do this.

I cannot stay with him.

Every moment I spend in his arms, kills me a little more. I know it, I feel it in my heart.

And yet I cannot walk away. Almost every night I rise from his bed, promising myself I will go. Sometimes I get as far as the door, sometimes I do not even manage to leave the bed before the longing and sadness sets in. I know it is wrong but I have lost her, I cannot lose him. Even though I have yet to tell him what I do every night, I will still wake him up with kisses and whisper promises that I cannot keep.

I had never expected to find myself so needy of anybody but I will never leave him. I cannot escape the sweet prison of his arms and the gentle torture of his lips. And unlike Lady Eowyn, I do not fear this cage. I have wanted it for so long, it would be ungrateful for me to fear it.

It was Lady Eowyn who bade me write down all that happened. I have not thought of it since that night but she has told me that for a wound to heal, the poison but be taken out. I swear to the valar, she is wise as an elf sometimes. She has been a great comfort. She understands much better than him. She has lost those she loves as well, but even she cannot understand the depth of sadness that death brings to an elf. It is so uncommon to us that we are sent reeling when it does occur.

Oh, _mela nin_, why do you not understand that loving you feels like a sin in my heart? Why do you say that this is what she wanted, what she planned for, when I cry? How can you say those things when if I had not wanted to be with you so badly, things would not be as they are?

Tonight I have made it to the garden, staring out to sea. After the events of the story I will recount tonight, I do not think I can ever experience the sea longing that so many of my kin are afflicted with. I know I am not leaving tonight, I have sworn it to myself, but even so I have had to light a candle at your window, so that I can see you from my seat. You sleep so peacefully while my heart is so very heavy, my dear.

The stars are radiant tonight. I wish you were out here with me like you were so long ago, when we were young. I wish you could look up with me tonight, for then I would tell you the story of Ellemíre's name and perhaps start a sad story with a happy one. But it is not to be.

I suppose since Lady Eowyn has sworn to me that she will burn this manuscript as soon as she has read it, it matters little whether I tell you about my sister's name or not.

I shall stop this cowardly procrastination and begin.

**AN: Good? Bad? Cat just died and you need someone to talk to? Review! I have more chapters but I won't post them if people aren't interested**


	2. Chapter 2

**An: Me again. I believe I neglected to mention 2 things last update, one of them is that Ellemíre is an elvish word that means starlight. The title is also elvish and means 'What we do for love.'**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. While I'm waiting for you to get over the revelation, I'll start the story.**

I will start a few days into the beginning of the story, for it gives me a chance to describe my sister to those who never saw her. She was tall, in the manner of her people, and looked very much like me, so said visitors to our court, but her hair was darker and longer than mine and fell in curls, though her eyes were the mirror of my father's and therefore my own. Ellemíre was no great elvish beauty. She could compare with neither the Evenstar nor the Lady of Light but she was a sweet child and had grown into a fair _Elleth_.

My story begins on the eve of our departure from Mirkwood. I had searched for my sister through all the halls and passages of my Father's palace with no luck. Twas surprising in itself, for I could usually feel Ellemíre's presence but today the skill had forsaken me and I found myself wandering aimlessly around our realm. The hour was late when I found her, staring out of her window into the forest glade below.

'_Aranel..._' I said quietly, laying my hand on her shoulder

'In common. Please.' She whispered.

I sighed and patted the tense skin beneath the rough cotton of her dress 'Ellemíre, why do you behave like this? This marriage does not rob you of your people...'

She tore herself away from my grasp and faced me, so that I saw the tear tracks lining her pale skin 'It robs you of your love, and me of my own! I can think of no worse fate.' She sobbed, drawing away from me 'My brother, Is there no other way?'

I held out my arms and drew her forward, she began to cry into the front of my shirt 'None,_ muin Aranel, _It must happen.'

'How could Ada be so blind?' she sobbed, into my shoulder. I confess I do not know, even now, how my father's determination to be blind to all around him has put him in such good stead all these years. I held her in my arms a little longer, until I judged that she had gained control of her tears.

'I will leave you now.' I smiled at her, as she stepped from my arms, face red and hair gone wispy from her effort 'No more tears now, _Aranel_. Do you promise me?'

'Aye, my brother, I promise. We must be well rested for our journey, after all.' She said bitterly.

I sighed once more, resigned to the fact that I could not pull her from her grief. 'Goodnight Ellemíre. Sleep in peace.' I kissed her hand and walked to the door

'Goodnight Legolas.' I heard her reply quietly 'Sleep in peace.'

...

The next day found us both sat at the gates of my father's realm, awaiting our departure.

I had lead both myself and my sister out here early, determined to see the trees of my home once more. As I gazed up at them, I suddenly felt a deep longing in me to ride in the sun again, feel it warm on my face. I confess as the longing for adventure filled my bones, it was you I thought of, _mela nin_. I yearned to see you and hold you in my arms once more, before it became a deadly sin.

As I thought of you, my gaze finally came to rest on Ellemíre. She was sat next to me, her face grey and drawn, not bothering to check her shying horse with despair written plainly in her eyes.

'Ai, _seler nin_, when did we come to this?' I thought before I was distracted at the sight of our Father and his retinue approaching from the north. My father, King Thranduil, beamed at the sight of my beautiful sister on her fine new horse. He stopped in front of Ellemíre's bay and took each of our hands.

'Ah My little leaves.' He said, gazing indulgently at us 'Today is the day!' He turned to Ellemíre and bent her head forward to place a kiss on her brow. 'Little _Aranel_, I shall not see you again. I will not see your beauty blossom beneath our beloved trees...'

'_Ada_, I will stay!' Ellemíre almost shrieked 'I will stay with you until we leave these shores, only say I must not marry the mortal!'

'Alas, _rél nin_' he sighed 'The contract has been agreed, Ellemíre. You must.'

Ellemíre drew back to hide behind the dark-gold curtain of her hair, ashamed at her sudden outburst. The king moved to stand in front of my own horse and we grasped each other's arms in a show of mutual grudging respect. My relationship with my father may be described as 'Chilly' at best.

'To you, my son, I entrust your sister's care. I will not have such a great king think that my daughter comes to him spoiled. His bride must be pure and innocent, Legolas. See that no harm comes to her.'

I clenched my jaw at his attitude toward my sister. Besides, since the fall of Sauron, the paths through my father's realm had become safe enough for my sister to travel to Gondor alone, had she so wanted, but I resolved to indulge my father anyway.

Finally he laid a hand on each of our heads and murmured a blessing, before stepping back and motioning for the gates to be opened. 'Fare thee well, my children.' He said, in his public speaking voice. I bowed my head to him one last time, and kicked my heels, urging my mount on. Just seconds later, I glanced behind me to see that my sister was not following me.

She was clinging to my father's arm, an expression of anguish and misery on her features.

'My father, please make this not be so!' she whispered, pain weighing heavy in her voice 'Please give brother to the mortal king, it is brother he wishes for, I am sure of it...'

Too late we saw the warning signs of our father's temper. 'You forget your station, my daughter!' he roared at her suddenly 'King Elessar requested my youngest child as his consort and that means you, Ellemíre.' He lowered his voice and hissed at her 'You will fill this contract with your life either way, my daughter. Given in marriage or lost in death it matters not to me.'

I felt almost sick at the harsh words and at the sight of my bright, brave sister's white face. 'Yes, my father.' She said, with surprising conviction.

'Now be off with the both of you!' he shouted once more at me. This time when I turned Ellemíre was behind me, almost keeping pace. I thought at the time that she looked thoughtful. I little suspected how much she would take my father's comment to heart.

**An: Review please **


	3. Chapter 3

**An: Sorry for the gap between updates, exams I'm afraid. I also realised I've not been translating the elvish, so I must apologise for that.**

**Please review!**

**River**

You must understand, _mela nin,_ I blame you for none of the events I am relating In this story. You and your love for me are the reasons I keep holding on, not the reason I try to run.

If I blame anyone, I blame my father, because of his cruel and uncaring words to my dearest sister and for the way he treated her all the years she resided in Mirkwood. Of course, I cannot speak of blame without mentioning myself.

Perhaps if I had not spoken to her of the fellowship, had not told her of the adventures we had and especially if I had not told her of the heady way my love for you bloomed under the stars, she would not have... but I am getting ahead of myself.

I met you as a child, my love. I have known you by many names and I held you in my arms when your poor _nana_ brought you to Rivendell. I like you, was taught in the care of Lord Elrond, and I was there the day you were given over to his care. But it was only during the years that I spent with you, facing danger and death at every turn, that I really began to ponder my feelings for you.

I will never forget the night you gave yourself to me. You had the Evenstar within your grasp, the single most beautiful being in this world, and still you chose to be with me, a lesser prince of a failing realm.

Lady Eowyn tells me that she has never known a bond so strong and so pure. I have to laugh when she says that. She is a child on this earth when compared with you or I and I remember the days, or rather, nights, when our bond was most certainly not pure. When either of us displayed a wound after a battle or when one thought the other had needlessly endangered himself. And one memorable time when one of us thought the other was dead. Sometimes when it seemed that hope and the valar had forsaken us and we needed to know that someone, anyone, cared if we should live or die.

I told you I loved you when you arrived back at Helms Deep, sobbing at the knowledge that only you could make me panic like that. I do not know if I was more surprised when I blurted it out while we stood on the battlements, or when you said it straight back to me. I have never forgotten that night, _meleth_. Nor could I, even if I wanted to.

I told my dear sister these stories when I arrived back in Mirkwood. I loved to see her eyes shine while I spoke to her of hobbits and men and strange faraway lands she had never heard of.

She was beside me at your coronation, part of the Elvish delegation. She heard, as I did, a whispered conversation between you and the Evenstar. I had still believed that you would be wed to her, but as soon as I saw your eyes flicker to me as you spoke, I knew what you were doing and my heart soared. She giggled when Arwen slapped you and ran out. Arwen winked at me as she passed, did you know that? And then Ellemíre slipped her hand into mine and stood on the tips of her toes to whisper in my ear 'I am happy for you, _muindor nin_.'

She most definitely was not there later that night, when I lay in your arms warm and sated. Or the next morning when you got down on your knees and swore to me that you would come for me, soon, you said, you needed to talk to the council. You and Faramir should be able to talk them round, you said.

I confess, I didn't care about the time scale initially, just as long as you became mine one day. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks to months, I began to doubt you. And then, finally, came the blessed day when your messenger arrived at the gates of my Father's realm.

It was she who brought the tidings to me. Ellemíre. She took my hands and spun me around my bedchamber. A short hour, although it felt like many ages, later, she and I were called down to the hall.

I had dreamed of this day for so long since we had last seen each other, I did not consider for a moment that you would not call for me by name. By you did not, my love. The message was read to us by my father, and I listened in horror as he proclaimed that you had asked for the youngest child of King Thranduil of the Woodland Realm to travel to Gondor and be made your consort.

As I stared at my horrified and heartbroken sister, I quickly realised my error. I had told you of my brothers, and mentioned that I was the youngest son. I had neglected to tell you of my sister.


	4. Chapter 4

**An: Thank you for the review. This chapter may make you want to kill me. Slowly.**

**River**

Of course, there was nothing for it, my love. Nothing could change my father's mind. So she and I set off in the manner I have described.

I swore to myself that I would smile at your wedding, for after all it was the union of the two people I loved more than anything in this world. What possible reason could I have for my unhappiness? But I resolved that I would leave for the west immediately afterward, promises to my father be damned. I could accept Ellemíre's marriage, I did not have to like it.

I would not become the lover of my own sister's husband and I knew that I could expect little else to happen should I stay around you very long.

Our journey was long and arduous and mainly silent. I found myself talking mainly to the guards, for Ellemíre kept the hood of her cloak over her face most times. Sulking, I assumed at the time. Eru knows, though my sister was an astute politician and a formidable warrior, she would sulk like a child when she could not get her way.

We did have a conversation, perhaps a couple of weeks or so into the ride. It was late and we had stopped to make camp. The guards were stationed, unmoving, camouflaged in the trees.

'Legolas?' We grew much less formal when away from my father's court. 'Legolas, do you believe father?'

'With regard to what?'

'Do you believe that he would really... kill me if this marriage does not go ahead?'

I sighed 'Nay, my sister. He simply desires the alliance with Gondor. When you are a Naneth and I have many strong nephews and nieces, I am sure you will understand.'

She looked away from me then. Away into the west, towards the sea. 'I know you will go away after my marriage. You plan to sail west to join mother and the rest of our kin in the grey havens.'

'What would you have me do, sister?' I asked coldly as she stared at the moon.

'Stay.' She said, turning to face me, I could hear pleading in her voice but her face was its usual serene mask 'Stay and let the mortal king take you as a lover. I will not mind...'

I had begun to shake my head sadly, before she finished speaking 'Nay, _seler nin_.' I took both her hands in mine, feeling her grief in the coolness of her skin 'I would not have any husband betray his wife. Least of all my own sister.'

She turned away from me, dropping her hands from mine 'How does it betray me?'

'It is a betrayal of the heart.'

'The heart cannot be betrayed if it is not given.' She pushed the hood of her cloak down and closed her eyes, bathing her pale skin in the silvery moonlight. 'It is no betrayal my brother. I have not given my love to the mortal king. I cannot make myself happy, the one who holds my heart sails to the undying lands this night.' She suddenly threw her arms around my neck. 'I choose to make you happy, my brother.'

My sister was wrong, _mela nin._ Do not think that I am not happy with you, dearest. You are everything I have ever wanted, but there is a difference between between realising our desires, and being made happy.

Ellemíre allowed me to have what I most desired. But because of the way she went about it, I can never be truly happy.

...

For the rest of our weeks of riding Ellemíre was almost exclusively still and silent.

We spoke only for essential purposes and whenever I enquired why she was so very quiet suddenly, she simply replied that she was thinking. She had a great deal to consider about her upcoming marriage, she told me, and I was to leave her be if I could lend nothing useful to her thoughts. We remained stoically silent and practically ignored one another.

Men say that it is easy to think of sentiments that they wished he had expressed when a loved one was still present. Of course, I am no man. For elves, death is so uncommon we rarely need to regret what we have said. I could never understand the men's obsession with things they had not done. But after Ellemíre... I wish only to see her for a matter of moments. I want just a small fraction of our ride to Gondor back, so that I might laugh with my sister as I did when we were children just once more. To hold her in my arms and see her smile like I did the day she was born. But, just as men cannot revisit old battles, I cannot bring those days back.

Morning dawned bright and early, on the penultimate day of our journey. I told Ellemíre my hopes that we might reach the white city by nightfall and she nodded, her face grey. She had been distracted for a few days by then but that morning she looked bad. Ill even. Almost unheard of for an elf.

We mounted up and rode on in her customary silence. That day though, 'twas more enjoyable, since I had chosen the coast road, so that Ellemíre might see the white city in all her glory as the sun set.

However, shortly before sunset as we rode along the edge of a cliff, I heard her call to the guards to stop. I turned questioningly.

'Legolas, I am tired and weak from riding, can we not rest here for the night? Ada made me promise to look well for my new husband.'

She spoke the words as though she would have spat them from her mouth if she could. That night she spoke more than she had for our entire journey. She told me about the children she would have and their names, laughing when I requested that she name one after me. Suddenly she stood and kissed the top of my head.

'I am tired my brother. I will retire, for I must look fresh and beautiful for my intended, must I not?'

I laid my hand atop hers 'Of course, Ellemíre.'

'Goodnight my brother. _Amin mela ile_.'

...

That night I slept in fits and starts. I did not know why at the time, but now I believe I knew in my heart what Ellemíre planned.

I woke very late to see the moon high in the sky and a figure in a hood and cloak silhouetted against her pale light. I jerked upright immediately and reached for my bow, fearing for my sister's life. I knocked an arrow and called 'Show yourself! Friend or foe?'

The hooded figure turned and as her face showed in the light I saw that it was my sister.

She was stood a little way down the path, at the very edge of the cliff on which we slept. As I watched her there, a tear fell like a diamond down her cheek.

'I shall never see the west, nor nana or any of our kin.' She sobbed 'Tis only fitting to do it here.'

I held out a shaking hand 'Ellemíre, come away, I beg you.'

She shook her head, dislodging the strands of dark gold there 'No my brother. You come here, for it is so very beautiful.'

Hesitating in my fear, I stepped lightly along the track. Once there, she held her hand out and bade me take it. I did so and we gazed out to sea together, her gold hair flying in my face.

'Close your eyes, brother. The moon smiles upon us. Feel her rays on your skin.'

And close my eyes I did. A foolish thing in retrospect.

'Know this my brother.' She whispered 'If there were but any other way I would take it. _Amin mela ile, Legolas_.'

I felt her hand pull forward out of mine. And then she was gone. Falling backwards off the cliff and down into the water.

**ELVISH TRANSLATIONS.**

**Elleth-** Female elf **Muindor nin-** My brother

**Aranel-** Princess **Amin Mela Ile-** I love you

**Muin Aranel- **Dear Princess **Mana Cerimir An Meleth-** What we do for love

**Seler nin-** My sister

**Mela nin-** My love

**Ada-** Daddy

**Rél nin-** My daughter

**Meleth- **Love


End file.
